I’ve never really gotten my feet under me on this blog site. I have written a bit here and there over the years, mostly in fits and starts, with alot of quitting in between. There are myriad reasons behind this, all dealing with what author Steven Pressfield calls Resistance.
In his book The War of Art, he writes “Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
When it comes to writing, and and thinking about people reading what I write, I’ve been paralyzed by fear for years. I could never stop editing to actually pull the trigger and hit publish. The voices in my head would get louder and louder until I talked myself out of writing completely, forever. But recently I’ve had a breakthrough and found a new way to think about writing, and about my life and calling.
Back in August, I enrolled in Seth Godin’s Creative’s Workshop because of these words in the course advert: It’s not enough to quietly journal, or to vent our frustrations to a small circle of friends. This platform, this moment in time, demands that we dig deep and do the generous work of speaking up.
Zing. These words hit me in the heart: the generous work of speaking up. Seth continually talks about being generous with our art, about showing up every single day and doing the work. He talks about serving others with the gifts we’ve been given and contributing to the community, about letting go of perfectionism for the sake of others and pulling the trigger.
I’ve been writing every day and posting on the workshop platform for the past 75 days to a global community, 400-strong. In the beginning, the struggle was real – until I realized that most people in the workshop hear the same negative, ridiculing voices, face the same stiff internal resistance, and fight the same battles. I’ve come to realize what a hider I am and begun to identify what I have been hiding behind all these years. I won’t go into all of that here. The important point is, I’ve also come to see my silence as a selfish act, and this is not who I want to be.
So I’m pulling the trigger. The writing won’t be perfect, the subject matter might be boring or not your cup of tea. That’s ok. With zero knowledge of WordPress or CSS, I’m trying to figure out how to make this site look like it wasn’t designed by monkeys – but I’ll stop using this as an excuse to not show up.
I’m grateful to the gracious, encouraging and generous community I’ve met through The Creative’s Workshop. I’m grateful to Seth Godin for his work and to all the coaches for sharing their time and wisdom. The workshop isn’t over yet, I’m still showing up there every day. But now it’s time to show up here as well. It’s time for a fresh start.
Ok, that’s it. I’m hitting publish and not looking back!